A week or two ago, Kayley wrote a blog entry that hit me and has stuck with me ever since. What started out as a comment to tell her that she is not alone ended up being a place for me to vent, which I haven’t had in quite a while. The truth is, I no longer share my venting online and as a result, am becoming a very bottled up, cranky person. I don’t like this.
People have been whining at me because I am no fun in videos anymore, or because I don’t talk about my wonderful life in my videos. I don’t think people realize that I am a) a real person and b) completely miserable at college, still. Why would I want to talk about something that makes me miserable? They also seem to get upset at me when I talk about what I’m up to with my music stuff and shows I’m playing, because apparently talking about the one exciting thing in my life counts as whoring myself out. There is no happy medium and people can’t just deal with who I am and what I want to say in my videos. I get yelled at for being honest and for leaving out things I don’t want to talk about, because then I’m not being honest enough. I’ve even been yelled at lately for refusing to make a video in front of my roommate, despite the fact that I don’t want to share that with her or subject her to listening to me play the same song two hundred times or talking about random crap that means nothing to her. It’s like these people create a picture of me that they think is real, and then take it out on me when I say something in my videos or blogs that contradicts the celebrity goddess that they think I am but I certainly am not.
It’s why I don’t blog about my life anymore, and maybe I would if I made it friends only and my friends would actually read it. Videos should entertain people… that’s usually my first priority there. Blogs should be honest, and I’m done listening to people telling me that they are disgusted with who I really am.
So you know what? I’m gonna do it anyway. And you can’t leave me comments, so I can and will express myself, whether you want to judge me or not. Thanks.
